Wasted Demo

by Lucky Baby Daddy

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I wasted 28 thinking too much about 31
And Id spend 29 chasing the one before

I wasted 15 with someone who made me all the dumber
But who taught me the most about being close

I waste a morning on a good walk
$4 coffee just to spend the hours before noon watching

indoor to inbox
what the rest of la was doing
I waste all my time on pondering what I will do next
Instead of doing it
I waste my neck
Only going, thinking from head to shoulders without using throat

I was wasted
Like already in the bin
I waste half of my time sifting through bins
While everyone else was buying new
But I was finding pre loved rags
And old warn out jewels
Old Americana quilts with rips and tares
id dream of fixing and turning into a blouse
Id dream of mixing a home with a house
plaid with checkered
Circles with squares
id waste all my time buying used just to cure the family line of generations to come
So my kids wouldn’t have to spend so much time wasted
So much time pasting
Gluing, taping, tracing patterns that id done
That my mother’d done
That her mother did
Im undoing those
Thats why I waste
I waste fear on guilt
Fashion over function
Quantity over Equality
Taste over love
I waste satisfaction for distraction

I waste 30 minutes just trying on pants

Only for a walk around the neighborhood

i waste a whole day on a pout I could have cured with a stretch

Id waste my nights in la I could have been creating
only to be seen, relevant in the scene
In see through silk blouse
I waste a clean jean easy, for a night to get out
To get off the couch
To let go of an ounce
Of telling my own story
I waste drinks to feel better
When the better was never
Another drink
Another smoke
Another dose
Here, this is how we get close

And let me not forget all the years wasted on boys
Probably somewhere in the millions I spent with MY boys
But what is waste ?
And was it great then?
Is it considered waste if it was great then?
Id waste years and years before they were men
long after I had become WO men
Id learn to bathe with rose petals and candles in the full moon light
while they’d still be showering with that old green soap
There is nothing wrong with showering but I hate that you smell like man controlling man with products

But id still waste lunches lingering with these not yet men
In parking lots after heavy cream brunches

I waste intellect on sex
using juice for paychecks
paychecks on beer
beer on dinner
pride on hoping
hoping on creating
I waste love on you
I waste hate on you
I waste friends on you
my waste never ends when it comes to you

I waste money on makeup
To makeup for time spent wasted

I waste hours staring at what other people may think
My body deteriorating each and every blink
my butt sagging into the bin
like my mother like my grandmother with the hair on her chin
I waste energy on hate
On hating myself to feel more connected to everyone else

Everyone always says I was born in the wrong time
But I’m here
its now
And I’m here
look at me
Im the biggest waste of life you ever wanted to contain
The biggest sigh
from the highest brain
I cannot be the blame of you,
youre untamed
Of you, willing to seek fortune and fame
To play the game
You always said you don’t believe in

I waste a night going out to see you
I waste an evening in to miss you.
I waste hormones on friends
I waste orgasms alone

To never share, a bone

Find me, hunched over in the recycling section of my phone


released May 7, 2019


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Lucky Baby Daddy Los Angeles, California

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